We lye still, the silence roar through the room as a soothing song, two bodies, warm and close, just holding each-others hands, feeling every inch, hearing hearts beat, for just this moment that is all we have, our own private safe world. Aware that there are things to be said, stories to be told and reality to be consumed – when existing together without sharing words its allowed, its approved, just for a short while, borrowed time. Even when so close, minds are miles apart, we both know you have to go, and this time go far, its emotions, but the disappointment is not between us, another person is the one that will kiss you goodbye. One moment captures two individuals, our physical attraction, the silent consent, cause the laughter has died out, and our lust is controlled by distance, even when braided together. I taste your lips, smell you one last time, then I let you go, for now, with all memories burned to mind, I hold you close, hug you with all my empathy, I really don’t feel like letting you go, yet I say that it will all be fine. Seconds become minutes, turn into hours, then days, always on my mind, every single day. It’s hard to let someone go, be the one that breaks away, the one that will not fight, when he touched your heart and you felt like offering him a part.
Life seems to surprise me sometimes, the endless battles created in the mind. The drama, I´m not free of that, hell, some days I push repeat, touch shuffle play to create chaos, drama is so much better when you add spices. You should try it sometime! Why I do it? Add them all and mix´em up? So I can share blame, smile, bitch, smile, cry, smile, maybe analyze a bit more, so I can smile again. What I want, most days I have no idea. Like most women, we don’t necessarily know, we assume, and then fuck up after that point. But off course I want to be happy, sometimes happy means enjoying my own company, other nights it’s all about passion and lust, spending time with the ideal Alfa-male. A smart one though, I tend to set that as the main criteria, and fun, I like fun. Bad boys, good lips – you should try it sometime! But what I love, I really don’t know. I believe I can love, just not sure how much I´m willing to give up, never will I compromise on my individuality, go fish man… if you like that, seriously go fishing. But fish only please, I don’t play second violin. That´s all I know today, when I wake up tomorrow I might want something else. Bring it on, give me the menu so I can read, but aim to please me, without me telling you what I want, cause I don’t know, thought I did, but I don’t.
A story that is written objectively will just be words, never deep enough to show all worth.
A romance will never be real unless you intend to see it through, one will always ending up feeling blue.
A relationship that is not done right from the start will always contain a weak part.
A life without true passion will always be a bit cold, like a glass that is half full.
An acceptance of being put last, will make your future live in the past.
Money can buy you the world, but never warm you at night, I have never seen a star that shine so bright.
2014 will be my year, cause I have finally started to admit I care.
A year filled with traditions and hope, I dream about finding love and someone I really want to know.
A woman can only go on for so long when feeling her love is a fading storm.
You will always be on my mind, you blew me kisses, said it will all be fine.
For the first time I really understand what you meant and I will bring that to my next romance.
I have been as deep as a person can be, shared all things – I couldn´t offer you anymore. I have been patient without asking for any guarantee, even continued to care when you have chosen someone else as your love. In fact, even though intelligent in life I solemnly agreed to be your second choice from the very start. I once said; admire me that much and not silently ask me to trust time to grow our love. I begged you to reveal your hidden empathy, stop repeating the words about uniqueness of a woman, to only be explained that you needed time to make a decision – cause we were alive then. “Scream with the strength of your lungs that you want me to be your woman. The one that you love, dream about and see”. Seasons changed, I felt the cold wind that started to whistle, the trust and admiration was a candle in a silent storm. The weather is greater than any game, like a blizzard I invested my all. Its not the things you said, cause you are a magician with words, its the things you didn´t do. “Just respect me enough to let me go”. I wanted true passion, cause what we had was pleasure, naked and real – but still, just a tease. “when I saw you for the first time, I just stopped. you blew me away. then when I talked with you I realised your looks was your second best asset”. You didn´t need any line or quote to capture my attention, it was there all along, you missed it cause you never took the time, you never truly looked. It´s impossible to define if you don´t pay attention, but I´m not her, I never was, and I never will be. So many people I know have truly loved, but then to let go. But I, I was probably the one who admired you the most – you, now you’re just you- and between you and me; if you offered me the world, I will say I have my own.
“All boys dream about a woman like you, but there is only one, you are really one of a kind – who would have thought that I should be so lucky , who would know that you would be mine?… wake up, press stop on my watch – we might be five more minutes; I know we are both busy, but why can’t we just stay here … suddenly we discovered the everyday life, even though we both said it was impossible for the two of us; our eyes forever in love, our minds forever attracted, our souls forever friends – perhaps it was naive to think? … My woman, please look at me now, you know I’m still so ridiculously in love – I can´t believe you are still here, close to me, next to me, with me – it´s all to much to breath in, unreal to comprehend … you are so adorable … I lie here while you are still sleeping and thinking to myself how lucky I am to wake up with the world’s most beautiful woman again … remember how the two of us could spend all night to talk about nothing … Suddenly it was waking up early, out the door, late home and hit the sack, one day I even packed my bags, stood up , ‘I ‘m not coming back ‘… how could I be saying that shit when I know deep inside; you are the one that I want! I could say it never will ‘ become ‘ the same – that we have argued for the last time … but I know you´re worth the fight, ever since the Stupid I have realized that we can´t be picture perfect, we both know its madness; crazy, stupid, but its our kind of love … Please look at me now, you know it’s still us against the whole world and you should know that I would do it all again for a woman like you, I was even thinking we could settle down…you are the very first thing I want to see, the reason why I hurry home, even if you are driving me crazy at times; you the one I love and my best friend … Now I lie still before we go to sleep and think to myself how lucky I am, and that I can say goodnight to the world’s most beautiful woman, again, today…”
Love her today, tomorrow she might be gone.
A new year to enter;
I´m leaving some thoughts behind.
All I want is to be happy,
find peace of mind.
Let laughter fill out every void;
don’t waste time on being annoyed.
Smile a little brighter each day,
look for good things and make them stay.
Engage in some great conversations,
across cultures, beyond nations.
Say yes when I really feel like saying no;
dare to dream, dare to grow.
Here´s to a fresh start;
use your mind and follow your heart.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dear friend, you are my person, whom I admire and trust, all you deserve is to be sprinkled with stardust. Your tremendous ability to care and treat people well, you deserve it all in return, put yourself under a spell. Speak gently to your inner soul; sometimes we all need to be reminded that it’s ok to grow. If you feel like having space, remember never to beat yourself up with inner rage. Repeat kind words as you were speaking to a dear friend of yours, find motivation, point out your own course. Sometimes your sense of direction gets off track in the heat, close your eyes, listen; your heart still beats. Soak in the beauty of visual surroundings and the hidden depth, cause you’re an important part to my life, and I will always treat you with respect. When you use your inner words to reflect on a choice, please be gentle, use a kind voice. To me your friendship is beyond reason to explain, close to my heart you will always remain.