My dear friends, readers, haters and unknown.
I have a passion for writing…
I once read “Work for a cause, not for applause. Live life to express, not to impress. Do not strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt.”
So here it goes, my appreciation for applause, the need to impress and the strive to make my presence noticed. Because no matter how I twist and turn it, I am that kind of person. The one that cannot only work for a cause, the one that cannot stand the thought of not impressing, and the person that needs to be noticed.
I find joy in learning, I feel excitement when trying something new, I expect success when I work, I truly care for my family and friends, but at times I do not know where the line between a saint and a sinner is drawn. So I reflect, without being corrected. Run away into my own world, while making a vision of the future – judge the insanity from my point of view.
How to move from a circle of chaos to a lifetime of success. What do I want to do? How do I make my loved ones actually feel loved and appreciated? Is it possible to share the ups and downs without seeing yourself as the example of how life and relations should walk hand in hand in order to get the happily ever after? So many questions, so many thoughts.
The days of self realization is apparently here; how do I grow into becoming the best person I want to be? Do I have the values to live up to what I preach? Where do I find the humbleness and courage to dare to hope for perfection? Do even perfection exist, and would it make me feel content?
I have failed, many times – it is one of those things that keep entering my life every now and then. And what does not kill you make you stronger, right? Work for a cause. Indeed I try, but I know I can always try harder, be better, think more about others and … How? Working for a career, I have to study hard. Knowledge do not come easy, you have to be ready, be persistent and understand that some elements of wisdom comes with growth and not necessarily with how much theory your able to swallow, memorize or read. That makes me humble, and it awakes my curiosity. If I once in the future were to become a parent, I would like to be just as wise as my parents, and I would like to be just normal enough to know I do not have all answers – like they have been. To have the same security they have provided for me. I want my children to have someone to look up to, and yet be able to develop their own individuality. Be the solid rock, the emotional angel, the Einstein of wisdom and the Obama of beliefs. There are days when my self-esteem is beaten to the ground. But I am probably not the girl who will share her tears. Where is my fan-group then, the people that salutes you outsides the main entrance after working your ass of in the background. No one sees, they just expect. I can surely admit that I could be a rock-star those days – feel the love and appreciation of a friendly crowd.
The likes and comments on Facebook, the followers on Twitter, and the new connections on LinkedIn. The hidden applause.
Who are we without the people that appreciate our existence? When I am alone, am I lonely? Will I ever be loved or just be a lover? Why does some people seem to come back in your life over and over again without really making any effort to stay? Again, the things on my mind…
The aspects of reflections, the powerful words and characters used to describe who I want to be. I have role-models; my parents, my friends, lifes saint and sinners combined with the influence of ancient thinkers, todays politicians & musicians, in general; the surroundings of a fast, yet sometimes superficial moving society. If I ever make it “right”, I will never know. But I can take one step at a time. Use the wisdom of the people I look up to to improve my every-day life. Smile to a stranger. Show affection even though it might turn its back against me. Smile to a stranger. Open my mind for different point of views, not stribe to perfection. Smile to a stranger. Because as far as I can see it, I have been given the most amazing gift of all – my individuality; me.
I do not expect standing ovation, just a little applause… be sure to know I will support your likes, I will continue to comment, I will add you as my LinkedIn connection and be the one that sends you a textmessage I know you will not respond to. Because in the end, I guess all I want is to make my presence noticed rather than live with the illusion of my absent felt.
PS: I might be the stranger who smiled at you on the street today.
Passion & Pain & Pleasure.
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